Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Surrounded by people in need.
Some days I feel like I'm completely drained- like they've sucked my energy dry. If I come across a miraculous patient who is strong willed, very positive or exceptionally calm, it's a beautiful thing. Rather than draining me of my physical and mental ability to comfort and tend to- they reenergize me. Those patients are far and few in between. These last few weeks it seems instead on a daily basis I'm met with needy, whiny, controlling, infuriating, lazy, and ignorant patients. The ones who know they have to pee, yet piss in a diaper and lay in it for two hours because they're too lazy to wake up for ten minutes and use a bedpan or god forbid- go into the bathroom. Yes-lazy. These are patients that are not incontinent and are not suffering any life threatening ailments. I'm not that fucked up. These are men with knee or hip replacements who bitch and moan about pain. Men are so much worse in the hospital than women. I see 85 yr old women with hip replacements that make some men look like wussies. Anyway it's these sort of routine rehab patients pissing in diapers out of sheer laziness that gets me started.
Then the ones who call you in to raise the head of the bed, meanwhile their fingers are 1/2 an inch from the bed controls.
The ones who use the urinal and act amazingly self-reliant, yet once their spouse leaves are asking you- nurse, can you hold it for me? As they pretend to helplessly grapple with the urinal.
The ones who can't even name the medications they take, yet blame them for making them nauseous.
And of course the ones who call you in as if your title suddenly switched from patient care to maid/servant. "Can you pour me water?", yet they can reach clear across the table to answer a cell phone.
Most times I think they ring just to see who's out there.
Don't be mistaken, I am compassionate. We all have job angst. Unfortunately I over analyze people. I expect too much from them. I unrealistically expect people to WANT to do the right thing. Who want to work at getting better.
I can be extremely empathic and get a distinct feel for people almost immediately. Unfortunately I'm also extremely intolerant of bullshit and still learning how to keep a grip on my temper. In a rehab program patients are encouraged to do things on their own. This is one step until you're out back on your own. It seems being in a hospital leads some people to feelings of entitlement though, 'YOU'RE supposed to wipe my vag for me- I'm in the hospital." Sweetie, if you're able to wipe your own vag and you still want me to do it- you have some major issues. Truth is, a lot of people don't realize how they come across until someone says something. Communication is everything. Your superiors will tell you, don't say this- don't do that- but as you go along you develop your own way to battle through the never ending days.
When I first started I gave into their every whim, I know better now. Within minutes you can access how much a person is able to do and use that as a meter. I've carried that over into my personal life as well.
So I write. I vent. I have ongoing monologues in my head. I walk around singing. It's healthy outlets that keep me sane. I ask old biddies about life 50 years ago. I observe people in their worst states and see the strength in humanity. I cringe with the weak. I'm angered by the ignorant. I do my job with a heavy heart and fist full of rage sometimes, but I know my place.
Then the ones who call you in to raise the head of the bed, meanwhile their fingers are 1/2 an inch from the bed controls.
The ones who use the urinal and act amazingly self-reliant, yet once their spouse leaves are asking you- nurse, can you hold it for me? As they pretend to helplessly grapple with the urinal.
The ones who can't even name the medications they take, yet blame them for making them nauseous.
And of course the ones who call you in as if your title suddenly switched from patient care to maid/servant. "Can you pour me water?", yet they can reach clear across the table to answer a cell phone.
Most times I think they ring just to see who's out there.
Don't be mistaken, I am compassionate. We all have job angst. Unfortunately I over analyze people. I expect too much from them. I unrealistically expect people to WANT to do the right thing. Who want to work at getting better.
I can be extremely empathic and get a distinct feel for people almost immediately. Unfortunately I'm also extremely intolerant of bullshit and still learning how to keep a grip on my temper. In a rehab program patients are encouraged to do things on their own. This is one step until you're out back on your own. It seems being in a hospital leads some people to feelings of entitlement though, 'YOU'RE supposed to wipe my vag for me- I'm in the hospital." Sweetie, if you're able to wipe your own vag and you still want me to do it- you have some major issues. Truth is, a lot of people don't realize how they come across until someone says something. Communication is everything. Your superiors will tell you, don't say this- don't do that- but as you go along you develop your own way to battle through the never ending days.
When I first started I gave into their every whim, I know better now. Within minutes you can access how much a person is able to do and use that as a meter. I've carried that over into my personal life as well.
So I write. I vent. I have ongoing monologues in my head. I walk around singing. It's healthy outlets that keep me sane. I ask old biddies about life 50 years ago. I observe people in their worst states and see the strength in humanity. I cringe with the weak. I'm angered by the ignorant. I do my job with a heavy heart and fist full of rage sometimes, but I know my place.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
I want a big beefy tattooed lumberjack to come carry me away.
Busy busy busy...a much needed update coming soon.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
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